Shadi Eskandani

Journey to the Sun

Thirteen months ago, my life transformed.
I gave birth to my child.
And he’s been illuminating my world ever since.

Becoming a mother has brought me closer to the core of who I really am.
I am not the same person, yet, never been more myself.

My concept of time has shifted. 24 hours has become six segments revolving around my child’s sleep times. I have become overly conscious of time. But time has also become an anchor, reminding me to stay still in the flow. If I drift too far ahead, I become anxious. If I lag behind, I become depressed. The whatifs, the whatcouldhavebeens, the endless spiral of unnecessary thoughts that take up space have lessened. I have begun to let them go, realizing how expansive the present moment can be. Only the here and now matters.

My priorities have shifted out of necessity. I am responsible for a living being that can’t do most things on his own. In this grand job of parenting, I have realized something else that matters. Someone. Myself. It is in losing myself in my child, that I have found myself. What a privileged experience, this type of magic. A love so primordial, the love of an offspring. Yet, a love so eternal, so cosmic. The love of Self.

And what matters least is that which doesn’t sit right inside. It’s very uncomplicated this realization: to let go of what doesn’t feel good. It is also the most challenging to actualize. We all have our ways of working this out. Maybe we don’t. Or at best, we try to.

Connectivity. To Divine Source. To Higher Self. To Love. To Truth. To those that matter most. And keeping all that/them close.

Vulnerability. Being open when necessary, even when you don’t want to. With yourself. With your people.

Authenticity. The core of you. Being that. Being with that. Even if it feels raw or disjointed.

I have begun to write again. Creativity awakened in different ways. I will be here more. Sharing more. Opening the gates to release what’s been held back for some time.

All Love.